Alonzo Cantu.

A stand-up comedian since 2011, Alonzo Cantu delivers sharp one-liners, edgy observations, and self-deprecating humor with an offbeat twist. A 2026 Funniest in San Antonio semifinalist for the San Antonio LOL and two-time winner of Upstage Comedy Lounge’s Funniest One-Liners competition, he finds humor in life’s absurdities, often at his own expense. He also hosts Bad First Impressions, a long-running live weekly call-in show where no conversation is guaranteed to go as planned.